Tuesday, September 4, 2012

poncho style (…and sometimes I wonder if you’re really a friend)

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This past winter I hooked my darling girl a poncho, and because she is growing taller and taller with every day I sewed her a new pair of doily-jeans too. She and I both love doily jeans. They’re so pretty.

Ponchopom poms

Those of you who follow my instagram photo stream would have seen that a while back I made some pom-poms. They did take the better part of a day to make… it would seem that perhaps I made them a tad too big. Quite out of proportion for sure. The girl doesn’t mind though. She loves them. She is full of delight as she spins around wearing her poncho watching the pom poms fly and bounce.

Ms M's poncho style

Wind, hail, thunder, lightning and torrential rain in these parts just now. No sign of spring to speak of. Not ideal poncho wearing times at all – more raincoats, gumboot umbrella times. Still there will be lots of days to come that will be too warm for a jumper but not quite solo t-shirt wearing days – perfect for poncho wearing. I *think* I have hooked it large enough to get some wear for more than one season… but at the rate this little munchkin grows it really is hard to be sure.

Ms. M - totally beautiful to me

At the last moment a friend phoned me this morning seeking a baby sitter for her daughters as she headed off to the dentist. Half an hour later she dropped her girls off and bolted. She was running late. We had a delightful time all playing together, eating toast, dancing to ridiculously girly songs. It was a good time. Then an hour and a half later my friend came to collect her daughters… and frankly the good times for me ended.

On walking into my home she was started to  remark about how my partner and I had not yet completed our renovations and commenting on the shoddy work we’d done. I don’t know what I am suppose to say this? I am left gob smacked. I wish I had told her that unlike her we have no family support, and certainly not two grandmothers who care for our children all day once a day every week. That’s right, we don’t have two entire days of free childcare to get our errands and chores done. I wish I had told her that it wasn’t exactly our fault that the building wasn’t built square and that the old walls aren’t absolutely level. I wish I had told her that we weren’t even finished  and it wasn’t shoddy work in the least and even so what we had done was our absolute best effort under the circumstances. I wish I’d told her to keep her remarks to herself.

At this point, my daughter who was very excited to see my friend and who at this point in the day was tired and hungry – her own routine being thrown out the window so that we could do my friend a favour – needed to be asked by myself to calm down. To this my friend piped in with “Have your children started listening to you yet? They’ve never listened to you.” Um. Hello. What the? No my children do not listen to me every single time… nor is the reverse true. They’re people. I’m not sure what the hell you’re talking about sister but what ever it is it’s not useful, or true, or fair to me or my daughter. Shut up will you? (And no I don’t scream at my children in public, or smack them or humiliate them… and I have never put my nose into your business and remarked on how you do!)

Not five minutes later she was walking out the door thanking me for minding her smalls. It really was a pleasure I said, and it was. On leaving she commented on how my Ms. M had a disable persons hair cut. Um yes. That’s what she said… about MY daughter. I am offended on so many fronts. Firstly what is a disabled person’s hair cut? And why did she say that like it’s a bad thing? I haven’t noticed any one particular hair style of the participants in the current Paralympics. And secondly what makes her feel that it her place to make such a remark to myself and my daughter. Yes people… to my three year old daughter who was standing there right beside me. I wish I had said “Fuck off – you’re no friend.”

34 comments:

  1. As a person I am completely and utterly dumbfounded. As a person with a disability who writes for a Government disability website, I am horrified that people still think like that (let alone voice that opinion).
    Can you lose Judgy McJudgerson's name and number?

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  2. She sounds like a complete tosser and you would be better off to do without her in your life. If you do see her again and she sprouts that venom, I would simply say "I wish you would keep your opinions to yourself " or "how insulting" or "just be quiet". Then either walk away, or of she's in your house, ask her to leave. She is treating you as a doormat. People like this make me so mad. I have one friend who does much the same thing, but without the insults and she stresses me out so much I actually got sick last time she stayed. She is now banned from staying with us, and I am doing my best to remove her from our lives. She o oh ever contacts us when she needs something, anyway.

    The poncho is fantastic. I remember having a sunny yellow poncho growing up and it gives me such happy memories!

    Cheery hellos to you from where we currently are in windy howling Cottesloe Beach!!

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  3. there must be some serious issues about how she feels about her own life if she needs to spout so much offence in such a short time. what a shame she missed the lesson on how to treat people when they have just done you a favour. do your best not to let yourself feel it- it's about her. sad. :)sarah

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  4. Man, that lady clearly had a bad time at the dentist and felt the need to inflict pain on others. I reckon that should be the last time you help her out. For the record your daughter's haircut is lovely as is her poncho :)

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  5. I don't comment often Sally, but this time I felt compelled to. What the?
    As lovely as you, and your kiddos are (and I'm sure your wonky little house is) I hope there won't be a next time. Just say no, because you're absolutely right, friends do not say stuff like that. Real friends don't even think it. Take care and try not to think about it too much x

    p.s. love the poncho, just like one I had as a kid, and the bigger the pom-pom the better I say.

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  6. Gorgeous poncho.

    It sounds like that so called friend is not really a friend. She sounds like one very unhappy and insecure person. I'm guessing you'll be busy next time she calls seeking baby sitting ;-)

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  7. Sally she really is not a friend - and how dare she say such things to you - I an offended on your behalf and would like to give her a piece of my mind!
    Not just one rude comment - but many - could it be a little jealousy showing through there - I do wonder, someone so keen to cut you down....
    Your daughter is divine - every bit of her and I think she has an absolute gall to say such things to you at all - but let alone in front of gorgeous Miss M AND when you have just done her a favour.
    Friend... pfffft!

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  8. What a total bitch (her, not you!). I have a "friend" who is a bit like that, particularly when she is feeling crap about her own life. I know thats why but have recently started making less effort and calling her out on it - its for her own good as lots of people dislike her for it. Am still just about hanging on to it but increasingly feel like I am too busy catching up with life and the nice people...ask yourself if she has been a good enough / longstanding friend to ride it out (or have it out) and if the answer is no, you know what to do. People who say stuff like that generally know what they are doing and rely on your good manners / nature not to say anything - they get really embarrassed when you do. Good luck with it and take heart from all the comments here from nicer people :)

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  9. OMG! How awful. I am gob-smacked too. I have had a similar thing happen to me and I was totally speechless and unable to reply at the time. I just did what I always do and retreated and did my best to avoid her and have nothing more to do with her anymore. She did confront me, and somehow I found the spine to tell her straight why (not usually my forte!) and unbelievably she denied it all and said I was making it up! Then it turned around to bite me even more when she then told mutual friends that I was making up horrible things about her and then they stopped having anything to do with me without even asking me for my side of the story... I was totally gutted at the time but I'm so glad they are out of my life now. I guess my lesson was if they don't make you feel good then they are not a friend. Hope you can detach her from your life too. Love the poncho and the pom poms are just fabulous :) Kx

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  10. Just when you think you can't be astonished at some people's behaviour and then someone goes and sprouts this sort of shit. I am dumbfounded. Nothing like being a total shithead to someone who is doing you a favour. And why didn't she organise her dentist visit for a grandparent day? That sorta stuff just makes my blood boil. I'm not surprised you didn't say anything. I would have been too gobsmacked for any words to find their way out until much later. Who says that????!?!?! Seriously!!!?!?! She really needs to be dropped from the favour list (at the very least!)

    Doily jeans are super awesome. I wish I had the guts to rock a pair! And I really don't know how you manage to hook up all these things, I do not understand how you find the time!! I think you must have a bionic arm hidden under the bed.

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  11. I wish we lived closer. I, too, have wonky walls and not enough hours in the day to fix them. My main lounge room had it's wall paper ripped off over ten years ago and it still hasn't been fixed. My children have no grandparents, but being a little older than your tribe that's a bit more manageable. So you and I would be kindred spirits for sure.

    I'm not even gonna comment on her behaviour to you. Totes not cool.

    Chin up chook.

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  12. I dont know where to start with how horrified I am with this so called friends behaviour! I hope you have nothing to do with her again whatsoever Sally! It's a shame her small people will miss out on playing your beautiful bunch because their own mother cant learn to behave herself, mind her own business and watch her nasty tongue!

    The poncho and the pom poms leave me speechless with their fabulousness!!! I want to see you in a grown up matching one!!!!

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  13. I love the poncho. The pink stripes are gorgeous and I love the bobbly edge. I think the over-sized pom poms look great and totally understand why your daughter loves it so much. This "friend" of yours sounds like a user. A user with very bad manners. I'm impressed you have managed any renovations at all with your three little ones. I find even just painting to be a challenge.

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  14. HOORAY Sal! Three kids = barely enough time for the real friends. Cull wherever you can, I say! This one seems like an easy call to me - ditch the douchebag. You are way too cool, kind and interesting to let people like this in your door. I'm sorry you had to listen to it all though. Like you I'm still gobsmacked at the hairdo comment. Douche. Bag.

    Poncho is lovely.

    (And the hair too.)

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  15. I cannot believe this person calls herself your friend or has the nerve to ask your help. Incredible and monstrous. A really shoddy person today. Even the best of children have tiring times and any one who has parented knows and should accept that. All the best to you. I hope you get a peaceful nights sleep after your good deed today. Cherrie
    PS Just add a couple of rows next year to make the poncho grow if necessary. I can't just feel your daughter's delight in having such huge pompoms. xx

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  16. OMGsh.

    Why did she not make the appoinment on her allocated days off (the bitch).

    No sireeeee she is not invited back to my place - EVER. I dont hang around people like that - I dont need it!!!

    FAR OUT Sally!!!

    love your crochet poncho!

    gezzz ditch her!!!

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  17. Sally
    Gobsmacked from Sydney here - totally on your behalf. Figured by instagram something was up - get it now. Shove her! I would think of some great comebacks way after the event and be left stewing and ruining my peace. Don't let her ruin YOURS! That was my new years resolution this year - not letting others ruin my peace. Anyone who makes super fabulous ponchos and doily jeans So does not require this person in their stratosphere. I wish you well in your way forward with this one.
    Carmel
    x

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  18. Hi,
    the poncho is really cute, and so is your daughter. I love her hair cut.

    There must have been something wrong with your friend that made her say those things. Or do you think she's always said things like that and you've never noticed for some reason? 'Disabled' comments really irk me. What's 'disabled'? Why is it a bad thing?

    I don't know what you should do other than say something to her, or ignore it this time and see if she's the same the next time you see her. Your best friends are your children and husband. And you're focus should be them, if someone doesn't appreciate you and them for who they are, quietly ditch them.

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  19. Firstly, that poncho is super adorable and I think I am going to have to make one for Squishy when she is bigger!

    Secondly, what a bitch! That women is no friend. No one has the right to say those sorts of things to anybody. Her mother obviously never taught her if she didn't have anything nice to say not to say anything at all. And what exactly is a disabled persons haircut?? That is offensive on so many levels! This is the 21st century lady. Stop being so rude and discriminatory!

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  20. Love the poncho!

    Sounds like she's not worth your time. Don't waste another moment even trying to figure her out.

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  21. BITCH!!! She's no friend and definitely not worthy of a friendship with someone as special as you.
    like the others i am gobsmacked by her rudeness. but she's seriuosly not worth your time or your headspace.
    love the poncho too xo

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  22. love the poncho, love the pom-poms and I love the hair do! (My daughter has the same.. nice and easy..) Def one friend I would be avoiding and also, say no the next time she asks for a favour.

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  23. woah, that totally fabagasted me!! bet you won't be 'minding' her kids again....so sorry you had to be the brunt of someone elses insecurities.

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  24. Love the poncho Sal, it reminds me of one I had as a child that my nana replicated for our daughter when she was a toddler.

    That type of behaviour is uncalled for! I hope you are okay...you so don't need people like that in your life.

    x

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  25. OMG! I am so sorry Sal. What world is she living in! I wish we were still in Perth, I would gladly give you child free days. You do not need to do her any favours ever again. Unfortunately it sounds like she has no clue as to how hurtful those things would have been. *hugs*

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    Replies
    1. Thanks to everyone for your supportive comments.

      For me I think it has come down to a matter of time. There are not enough hours in the day and I'd rather spend my time with people who allow me to feel good about myself. If this had been a one off bad day I would be more forgiving... and no doubt less angry, but it's not. These judgemental comments are part of an ongoing trend. I think the "disabled haircut" comments were the final straw.

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  26. That is not a friend - what a horrible experience. Some people seem to think that they can say what they want to and get away with it. I have been at the receiving end more times than I care to remember - it has taken time to sort out my real friends and to feel strong enough about what I believe in. However, if anyone dares to comment on my child - the inner tigress comes out and I speak my mind. Your child is delightful and looks as a child should - happy and loved, and supported by a non-judgemental parents. Take care.

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  27. What a horrible experience. Maybe you should print this little saying out and give to her Sally.

    Think Before You Speak
    T- Is it True?
    H- Is it Helpful?
    I- Is it Inspiring?
    N- Is it Necessary?
    K- Is it Kind?

    Gorgeous poncho on your gorgeous girl :)

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  28. Sally, I think everyone has already said it all in the wonderful comments. Thank goodness for virtual friends! I too was horrified that someone could treat you like that. Life is too short for accomodating draining, unpleasant people. I wouldnt have said anything at the time either as it would have been such a shock to have someone called friend say such negative and hurtful things, especially when you were helping her out.She is probably so jealous of your life, wonky walls and all! I bet it felt good to blog about it... writing down your feelings and what you wanted to say is always a positive process.
    I think your daughter is gorgeous and that poncho is ace. In my grade 5 school photos I am sporting a crochetd mauve mohair number proudly made by Mum. Good memories!
    P.s Who doesn't love a pom pom?

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  29. I was just going to say that the poncho reminded me of the one my mum made me when I was a little girl...then I read on...OMG say goodbye to that "friend" I think ....be polite, friendly even but I would put distance between you. xx

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  30. Love the Poncho! Wow you did a terrific job & it looks great on her! & the doily too! So cute!

    I think your acquaintance should have heard that last remark you wished you had made... No friend for sure....

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  31. Oh honey - you are right, she is not friend. I don't think that I would be able to have her in my house again. It is such a shame that she feels that she has to be so nasty to wards someone that clearly paid her a favour on short notice.
    That poncho is adorable - Am I following you on Instagram??? Im mealyandi

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  32. Sally, i can't believe the post i have just read! I don't even know this person, but as a fellow human being i am ashamed of her behaviour. I don't know about you, but whenever i see or hear about people behaving badly i always think about their kids. I wonder what they are learning, how they are feeling, what they will be like in 20 years. It makes me sad.

    So glad you've done a poncho, you know i love my ponchos!

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